What will I do next?

I have spent the last 20 years trying to figure out a way to never grow up. I am the female Peter Pan. I don't want to go to work in an office. I don't want to clean the house. I don't want to do the laundry. What I would like to do is sit at my desk all day and just write, read and listen to music. Unfortunately, I also like to eat, drive my car and sleep in a bed with a roof over my head. Therefore, I fully understand that I will have to find a job and I will most likely have to go back into an office. I am just not willing to accept that reality yet. So, instead I have decided that I am going to organize my life.

As of Friday, July 29th, I will join the ranks of the unemployed. What that means is that I will no longer have a reason for my kitchen being a mess, my laundry not being done and my shelves being dusty. This means I will have to assume the position of responsible adult and start doing housework. If you have ever met me then you know, the idea of this is repulsive. There is very little in the world I hate more than cleaning. I am one of those odd people who tends to be very organized and a bit of a control freak, but the idea of doing dishes or picking trash up off the floor is exhausting.

Given my deficit in so many areas of home management, I have decided that I am going to try one of those fun little "This is how you get your house and life organized" books. Lucky for me, my darling husband happens to be employed by a publisher that supplies just those books. As I have absolutely no qualms about biasedly choosing a book from his collection, I have decided that I will attempt to follow along with the book "Organize Now!" by Jennifer Ford Berry.

Now, I haven't actually read the book yet, but rumor is that it sells a lot of copies. Which we all know, if it sells a lot of copies it must be great...right?!? Plus, this book is "a week-by-week guide to simplify your space AND your life". Which means I get to spend a week on each section. If that isn't a procrastinators dream...

The downside, however, is that I am one of those people who works completely on momentum. I am afraid that if I spend an entire week on something I will never move on to the next step.

If you pick up the book, or have the book, let me know. Together, we can visit Never-Never Land and Never-Never be cluttered or disorganized again. Perhaps, as I organize my home (and my mind) I will finally decide what I want to be when I grow up.

Another week...

Tomorrow is Monday. The beginning of another week. It is strange how normal tonight feels. I am sitting in front of the computer, the kids are in bed and I am planning for the week. I am writing my weekly to do list. The items that need to get done before the weekend. The list has the normal items; bills need to be paid, laundry needs to get done, rooms need to be cleaned, amendments need to be abstracted. A normal list, like any other week.

Unfortunately, this is not like any other week. This is the last week I will need to add work items to my list. At the end of this week I will be packing up my work computer and mailing it back to Ann Arbor. At the end of this week I will begin to shred massive amounts of legal documents that I have amassed over my last 7 years of work. At the end of this week only 1 in 10 employees will remain at the Borders Corporate office... only 1 in 10.

While that in and of itself is heartbreaking, the idea that by the end of September every Borders store will be gone and over 10,000 knowledgeable booksellers will be out of work is devastating. While I can imagine my life without my job, the idea of life without Borders is tragic.

Another week, an atypical week that will soon become the norm. I guess I will have to find another way to fill my to do list.

The day after...

I am a little numb today. Just thinking about the world without Borders is thoroughly depressing. I have so many memories of Borders over the span of my life, it is sad to see something that was truly fantastic, in it's prime, disappear.


My first memories of Borders started at 16. That was when we could finally drive without Mom or Dad in the car. That is when we were free to start exploring on our own. One of my earliest adventures out on my own was a trip to Kansas City to visit the Borders at 93rd and Metcalf. I would later identify this as store 23. This store was amazing and so cool. They had all the best books and you could get any CD in their music section. I mean, they had everything from the obscure indy pop that we all thought was so cool to the fantastic regional and local bands we wished we were old enough to see at the Bottleneck any given night. We shopped and browsed for hours then we would leave Borders and walk over the Maggie Moos across the parking lot and indulge in the yumminess that was raspberry ice cream mixed with M&M's. We did not do this once, we did not do this twice, we did this so many times that I would go through Maggie Moos withdrawal when we went too long without a fix.

In 1999 Jon and I were living in Kearney, NE and ready to come back home to Kansas. He was commuting two hours every day to the Hastings in Grand Island, NE where he was the General Manager. While he liked the store, he didn't like the commute. One day he found out that Borders was opening a new store in Olathe, KS and shortly after we were presented the opportunity to move back home. He worked in three different Borders stores throughout his 2 years in the field before finally settling into a position in the Marketing Department at the Corporate Office.


Then in 2003 I was presented an opportunity to join him on Phoenix Drive and pounced. I have never looked back.

Over the last 15 years I have visited a lot of Borders. I have bought countless gifts at Borders. I have received countless gifts from Borders. My absolute favorite birthday gift (next to Emmy's pink toes) was the year Jon bought me 10 books and let me sit all weekend and read. He purchased them, at Borders of course, after contacting friends he had made at Borders and asking for recommendations.

There are so many things I will miss about Borders. I hope that Borders will be remembered in a positive light. I hope that people will remember the first time they walked into a Borders. Remember the first time they had a conversation with a bookseller. Remember all of the authors and books that were on the New York Times Best-Seller lists because a bookseller in Rapid City, SD recommended it to not only a single customer but all of the other booksellers throughout the country who then recommended it to a single customer. Remember the regional bands that would have never had an album on a store shelf had it not been for the consignment opportunities that were offered at Borders. Remember all of the artists whose painting were displayed and sold off of the Borders cafe walls. Remember the books that were donated to low-income schools and educational programs all over the country through First Book via Borders. Remember the impact that Borders has had on their communities. Remember that Borders, in its prime, was a hub for readers and writers everywhere.

My numbness will fade over time and I will mourn the loss of what Borders was. I will mourn the people, I will mourn the atmosphere, but most of all I will mourn the books.

It is the end...

In the fall of 1994, as a college Freshman at Kansas State, I ventured down to the TV room in the basement of my dorm to watch the series premiere of a new medical drama. I was pre-med at the time and had every intention of spending my life in a white jacket. 15 years later, I sat on my couch watching the final episode of the same show. In those 15 years I never missed an episode. Even during the Retro Dance craze of my early twenties when Thursdays meant slinging $1.00 pitchers and $0.25 draws at the Granada. My VCR did my dirty work and I was able to escape into the perfect disasters that could only happen at County General. However, around year 11 I began to feel a disconnect from the staff. I would sit down at 9:00 Central (10:00 Eastern) Time and take a deep breath, pumping myself up to sit through another hour hoping I would feel the same draw to the characters and County General that I once had. Unfortunately, I never did. Still, every single Thursday night you would find me in the same place, waiting to take a glimpse into the ever changing world of my once favorite hospital. As I sat and watched that final episode I expected to be sad. I expected to feel a tremendous sense of loss. After all, I had spent every Thursday night for the past 15 years immersed in this imaginary world. I expected that I would mourn the loss of the characters and stories. However, as the dust settled I felt something very different than loss. I felt relief. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was finally free from the world of Cook County.

Today, at 4:22, I (among every other person in my office) received an email telling us of the future of the organization for which I have worked the last 7 years. A company that I love and feel proud and lucky to have been associated. At first I was sad. Thousands of people all over the country will be unemployed. Access to a product I love will be diminished. Yet, once I had a chance to feel the pain and sadness, I felt relief. Relief that I will not be living with a constant block in the pit of my stomach. Relief that I will not have to wonder every morning if this will be the day that another round of massive layoffs will take place. For the first time in 4 years I will lay my head down on my pillow and not fear what will happen tomorrow.

Please don't misunderstand... I am worried about the sacrifices we will have to make going forward to survive as a single income family. I am sad and worried for myself and my co-workers in this challenging job market. I am sad that I will no longer have daily conversations with the people I have grown to respect over the last 7 years. I am sad. I am concerned. I am human. I am, however, ready to move forward. I am ready to see what the next chapter of my life holds. I am ready to see what else is on Thursday nights at 9:00 Central (10:00 Eastern) Time.