It is the end...

In the fall of 1994, as a college Freshman at Kansas State, I ventured down to the TV room in the basement of my dorm to watch the series premiere of a new medical drama. I was pre-med at the time and had every intention of spending my life in a white jacket. 15 years later, I sat on my couch watching the final episode of the same show. In those 15 years I never missed an episode. Even during the Retro Dance craze of my early twenties when Thursdays meant slinging $1.00 pitchers and $0.25 draws at the Granada. My VCR did my dirty work and I was able to escape into the perfect disasters that could only happen at County General. However, around year 11 I began to feel a disconnect from the staff. I would sit down at 9:00 Central (10:00 Eastern) Time and take a deep breath, pumping myself up to sit through another hour hoping I would feel the same draw to the characters and County General that I once had. Unfortunately, I never did. Still, every single Thursday night you would find me in the same place, waiting to take a glimpse into the ever changing world of my once favorite hospital. As I sat and watched that final episode I expected to be sad. I expected to feel a tremendous sense of loss. After all, I had spent every Thursday night for the past 15 years immersed in this imaginary world. I expected that I would mourn the loss of the characters and stories. However, as the dust settled I felt something very different than loss. I felt relief. It was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was finally free from the world of Cook County.

Today, at 4:22, I (among every other person in my office) received an email telling us of the future of the organization for which I have worked the last 7 years. A company that I love and feel proud and lucky to have been associated. At first I was sad. Thousands of people all over the country will be unemployed. Access to a product I love will be diminished. Yet, once I had a chance to feel the pain and sadness, I felt relief. Relief that I will not be living with a constant block in the pit of my stomach. Relief that I will not have to wonder every morning if this will be the day that another round of massive layoffs will take place. For the first time in 4 years I will lay my head down on my pillow and not fear what will happen tomorrow.

Please don't misunderstand... I am worried about the sacrifices we will have to make going forward to survive as a single income family. I am sad and worried for myself and my co-workers in this challenging job market. I am sad that I will no longer have daily conversations with the people I have grown to respect over the last 7 years. I am sad. I am concerned. I am human. I am, however, ready to move forward. I am ready to see what the next chapter of my life holds. I am ready to see what else is on Thursday nights at 9:00 Central (10:00 Eastern) Time.

sweet, sweet Eli...

Last night Eli and I were lying on the couch watching The Office (Emmy's birthday cake pushed bed times back a bit). Isobel came downstairs whining about being cold. My sweet, sweet Eli held up his blanket so Isobel could join him. Now, when I say blanket, I mean blankie. It is not very big and he cannot function without it (or one of its many siblings). Isobel climbed up onto the couch next to him and they cuddled under this little blankie. It was almost the cutest thing I have ever seen them do...

Of course, my darling Isobel then wrapped herself up in Eli's blankie pulling it completely off of him. He started to cry and she just shrugged and said "I'm cold!”

This made me realize that I am quite a bit like Eli. I always assume people are intrinsically good and always going to do the right thing. I am usually proven wrong. How do I teach him that there should be limitations to his kindness? How do I teach him something that I never learned myself? How does one teach a child that people will take advantage of his kindness and most likely hurt him in the process? Is it something that should be taught or is it one of those lessons he should learn the "hard way"?